No offense, but have you ever seen a psychologist ? I've seen one and it did help me. I can relate to your sense of " always messing up " with your bf. I have a bf too and a lot of times that we've fought was because I started it. And they were stupid things, but they were things that had to do with my insecurity of " if he doesn't do certain things than he doesn't love me enough ". Which I finally figured out that these insecuritys has to do with my father leaving me when I was seven. So every serious relationship I had turned into me pushing the men that love me away.