LanaBear

This is a long story and I'll try to get to the point without drawing it out.

My sister is 28, an alcoholic and bulimic. She's been an alcoholic for probably 10 or so years, the bulimia came to light about 5 years ago. I've completely cut off all communication with her. She's a manipulative and thinks the world revolves around her.

Anyways, she's been in and out of probably a dozen rehabs, sober living homes, etc. My mom has spent an obscene amount of money on trying to get her sober. Bottom line, I don't think she has any desire to get sober, there have never been any repercussions for her actions, so why should she. She has a 6 year old daughter who she lost custody of a couple of years ago. My mom and the dad share custody of her. My mom WILL NOT move her back to the state she lives. If she were to be sober for 6 months, she would get supervised visitation of her daughter, she can't do it.

Fast forward to last summer, she's in yet another rehab in California, stays sober for the 28 days, gets out, moves into a sober living home. Gets back in touch with a guy she dated a few years prior. He's also in recovery and is genuinely a really nice guy. I can't think of one bad thing to say about him. So anyways, she ends up pregnant with his child. He's cool with it, wants to settle down, etc. She decides to fall off the wagon again and gets picked up by the cops at an apartment complex wearing nothing but a tank top. Keep in mind she knows she's pregnant, she gets taken to the hospital with a BAC of .385. Meanwhile, she is still bulimic and purging whenever she gets the chance.

My mom tells my sister that she doesn't support this and feels that she needs to give it up for adoption. My sister says she's fine with giving it up, but in the end decides to keep it. The baby was born in April and is THANKFULLY healthy. My mom told my sister time and time again, she couldn't raise another one of her kids, she wouldn't support her if she decided to keep the baby, etc.

Well, my mom called social services on my sister a few weeks ago. My mom lives on the east coast, sister in California, it was really her only option. Anyways, she called because sister was drinking and BREAST FEEDING!!! The father has been going over to where my sister lives trying to make things work, but has finally realized that he can't and still maintain his own recovery. He's been sober for over 3 years, but unfortunately has a felony on his record from an incident prior to him becoming sober. I'm not familiar with the laws in California, but my mom has been on the phone with DCFS and they state they will not give the baby to the father, who has full support of his family. But they are willing to let the baby stay with my idiot sister!! With conditions obviously.

However, they are trying to talk my mom into taking custody of the child. My mom can't, physically she can, yeah, but she just can't take it anymore. She's 49, has raised myself (I'll be 32 next week) and dealt with so much from my sister. She can't and I don't blame her.

Now, my husband and I had thought about taking custody of my niece before my mom took custody of her, but ended up not doing it. My heart is broken for this little baby, my nephew. We could take him in a hearbeat, we're financially stable, have plenty of room in our house, we have morals and are wonderful parents to our own two boys. I got my tubes tied in February because we decided if we wanted anymore kids, we would adopt. We've been blessed with two healthy boys and we could give a great life to a kid that deserves it.

My problem is, I don't want to take custody of this baby, when my sister is still in the picture. I don't want ANYTHING to do with her. I don't want my boys to get attached to this baby and have it be returned to her at some point in the future. Same with myself and DH. The baby's dad is going to try and get the baby as well, but they are telling him until the felony is off his record, in 10 months, no way. So that leaves foster care.

Like I said, my heart is so torn! I feel like I'm such a bad person for saying no to this little baby, who did not ask to be brought into a life like this. But I can't do it knowing this child could be given back to his parents, one or the other. I know my mom feel the same way.

This is a lot longer than I had hoped, but you get the point. It's been a long day on the phone. DCFS makes their decision on Friday about the baby.

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