I have a friend, who I love. She is a great person, and we have fun together. A little high maintenance, but worth it.
She has 2 kids, and we have spent time together with both families. Her kids aren't horrible, they just don't listen. She has to tell them 5 or 10 times to do something or stop doing something before they actually stop.
They back talk her, and sometimes are down right rotten! Which, every kid is at some point, I get that. But as soon as she disiplines them, she apologizes.
The rule at my house is I tell you once. You don't listen, you go in time out. I don't believe in tolerating bad behavior, and I also don't believe in having to tell a kid 20 times to do something. Thats how I was raised, and I'm raising my son the same way. If I don't tolerate it from my son, why on earth would I tolerate it from someone elses kids? By the way, we're talking kids between 5 and 7.
Anyway, she's mentioned in the past that she thought her son had ADD. And it seems that now the teacher at school agrees, and they are going through the steps to have him diagnosed, and put on meds. The teacher told her that when she asks him to write his name on his paper, 10 mintues later, he still hasn't done it.
My first thought is, he doesn't listen to his parents when they ask him to do something, why would it be any different from the teacher? If his parents have to tell him to do something 20 times before he does it, is it really going to be any different at school? I mean, if hes been allowed to get away with not doing what he's told all this time, what would change it now?
And honestly, my first thought was he needs his little but busted, not medication. I believe that if he had been disciplined all this time, she wouldn't have the problem she's having. We, as parents, mold our kids.
We are there to love them unconditionally, but to also show them right from wrong, teach them lines that are not crossed, teach them respect, etc. And the more we allow them to get away with, the more they will push. They're little sponges...and they are constantly learning. If a child knows that what he's doing is wrong, but also knows that mommy isn't going to do anything, then he's going to keep doing it. It's our job to stop them from doing whatever it is that's wrong. Not to sit and tell them to stop 20 times before actually doing something.
My problem is, this is a very hard pill for me to swallow, and not voice my opinions. But I am trying very hard, as I don't want to ruin our friendship.
But honestly, I don't want to hear all about it, because I disagree with it. But who am I to tell her? You know? I sure as heck wouldn't want someone saying that to me! I'm doing my best to just listen, and offer her the best support I can.
I guess I just needed to vent here....
I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but I truely don't think that all these kids diagnosed with ADD actually have the disease. I know there are kids out there that
do have it, but not near as many as are on medication for it.
I think parents are to blame for a lot of it. So many parents these days don't discipline their kids at all, then when they get older, can't control them, so let's put them on meds for ADD, cuz they just won't listen to me! BS!!
Why would someone think that allowing a child to do whatever the heck they wanted to for the first 4 or 5 years of their life, then figuring out that that wasn't the best choice, try to control them now, and can't, and wonder why? I just dont' get that!
You see it all the time "I can't control my 6 year old" Are you kidding me??? The kid is 6!!! I dont' know, maybe I'm just old school. But my parents did a good job raising me, and didn't tolerate BS from me. I did what I was told, respected my elders, you know, all the good old fashioned values. My parents' number one priority wasn't to be my friend, it was to be my parent. Being my friend came second. It seems that so many nowadays have it backwards.
I'll get off my soapbox now. Sorry for the long post.