Well OTYA expressed what I was thinking. With that much time together it might seem natural to make a formal commitment but if you haven't discussed it specifically you can't assume it. If you think you want children with this man you need to do some serious talking and lay out what you both expect and how you both want it to work. Thankfully marriage is no longer requisite for successfully raising children, or for spending a lifetime with someone.
Think about what you are really saying, you were completely "in love" with the rings? A ring is a symbol not a goal or a lifestyle. The evidence is all around us that a ring, signing on the dotted line, dressing up and having a party; none of that makes a relationship or even a true commitment. Those are supposed to be a symbol, a public sharing of commitment and a change in legal standing - so is forming a corporation, havng a logo and taking shares public.
The two of you need to talk but first you need to get clear what you want and why? Why is marrying important? Why are rings important? Why? Because you grew up being told that was what you were "supposed" to do? Some people have a deeply held religious belief that marriage is required for children, for sex, for sharing a home. You are living together so that doesn't sound like it. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to marry but you need to be clear why you want to do it. You also need to know why he doesn't. Our society has a fantasy that this is something all women want and wait for, that requires the male to propose, I think the truth is that it must be a mutual desire and mutual decision.
You may require that legal commitment before having children to feel comfortable doing that. It won't guarantee anything - nothing does. Either the love and commitment are there or not. You both need to be clear what you want. Too many people go into relationships or marriages based on wishes and assumptions (I did it) and are shocked to learn their spouses assumptions are different. Better to work it out before hand. You won't agree on everything but you need to be on the same page with the big stuff.
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We can only learn to love by loving.
Iris Mudoch, British writer
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