Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Wildchild- My mother or my brother had no money what so ever as he cleared their joint account when he left. My sister and I chipped in to tide them over. My sister paid for mums ticket overseas without my knowledge... I guess she wanted them to have a chance to work it out and knew I felt it was unsafe. Or she wanted money, I dont know for sure. We dont speak much these days.
He has however since 'reimbursed' my mother and apparently 'spoilt' her the whole time she was with him in europe with gifts. He let her pick out the furniture for his new apartment. I think he's setting it up so when he's finished living the high life, he'll have a soft place to fall. She doesn't seem to mind seeing him for a couple of months every year as long as she sees some money at the end of it. Its hard to openly admit that, but I fear in my heart its true. She always said openly that she never loved my dad and he was a hindrance to her life, but never left him.
It seems the general verdict is to cut him off. I though about what this would mean if somebody looked back on my life and asked, why didn't she go see him for herself?
Cut him off... My father? Without ever knowing why? Why he suddenly turned on his family of 40 years when things were finally going so well? Was it the money? Did he panic? Could he really be that selfish?
I've heard its not uncommon for people to suffer mental 'disruptions' after major surgeries. Its chemical, apparently. Is is being uneducated and ignorant to 'cut off' a man who may be having a nervous breakdown? I know he's been an insufficient provider and father to his kids but gradually over the last 5 years, he had become a more peaceful man. His gambling and drinking days where behind him. He even quit a 45 year smoking habit when he was diagnosed. I hear he's smoking heavily again. What if its not personal at all?
What if my dad is going nuts and we're all too proud to help? He's talking openly about suicide. What if he kills himself? Ill never know... This daily crying stuff is totally new. I'd only ever seen my dad cry once, when his father passed away. They had a troubled relationship too...
My relationship with my mother has never been stable. Shes closer to my sister, and my brother's a mothers boy. I guess it was dad and me that where closest, and since my last outburst seem to improve our familys condition last time, I almost feel as if they are looking at me again to 'fix' things with dad again. I must admit, Im feeling totally left out of the loop with whats going on. Im not told much even though my mother speaks to him daily. Shes being secretive and coy. Maybe its just us, his children he wants to divorce? Mums being cold and unfamiliar. She seems like she almost wants him to suicide. Why didnt she take him to a doctor once during the three months he was there??? I dont get it. Or do I?
I feel responsible cause he reaches out to me. I got the call to pick him up from the police station and he called me 10 times everyday when he was removed from his home. I never answered.... I was so angry with him. I knew he was staying with a friend and was safe, even though he'd call my mum and say he's sleeping in his car. He's upset with me for never answering his call when he was in need. He doesn't know that I knew where he was staying. I think I need him to know that. Maybe he really needs to know he's loved right now. Maybe not.
I think Im going to give myself three weeks to see how things unravel. A lot can change in that time. My mums given me some money that dad sent over. I might have to use it for a ticket overseas to see for myself. Get closure. Or I might find that closure on a beach in Fiji with my partner. Im confident the answer will reveal itself over the next few weeks.
I guess I really just want to feel out what is 'socially' the norm here? Is is unusual to want to 'divorce' your entire family? Do other people feel this way? Does that damage a person in the long run? Are we meant to take up these challenges and in the process make our family 'better'? Is THAT potentially damaging, in the long run?
As you can see, Im still as confused as yesterday... But thank you all for your imput. I sincerely appreciate it and Im touched you'd take the time to read my endless ranting and offer me advice.- Kelly