Women's Health Support Forums - View Single Post - He reveals a secret.....a genetic disorder.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-26-2009, 11:41 AM

I think perhaps you misunderstood, or perhaps I wasn't really clear in my explanation of what happened.

First, the reaction I've had on here, was 100% totally different than the reaction I had to him. I'm a very supportive person and I would never respond to him in that way. matter of fact, I have said nothing to him about it. He could've said "I got genetic testing and do not have the gene..." or "I do have the gene", but he didn't, so I'm left wondering and left trying to be careful and not "overstep" my boundaries. And I certainly wouldn't "dump" him because he "might" have this debilitating disease.

Second, yes 4 mths is soon to reveal certain things about yourself? But in my opinion, 4 months is also soon to be telling someone you want to marry them (which he says regularly). So while I agree with you, I also believe that if you've gotten to the point that you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you shouldn't hide things about yourself that could drastically effect your future together. Huntingtons Disease would without any doubt effect our future together. Why? Because by age 30-40 if he had this GD, he'd begin to lose his coordination, his cognitive functions, suffer from severe behavioral and psychological changes, dimentia, and die a long slow death (as his mother did). Another reason it would affect our future, our children would have a 50% chance of having the same GD. So yes.....I think the second he started talking about spending his life with me, he should've been forthcoming about his own life, his own possible future, etc. In my opinion, those things are not things you wait to tell someone until you're married.

I could find out tomorrow that I have cancer. I could indeed be hit by a bus. I'm aware that we are all mortal, we do not know what our futures hold. But I think we hold a certain moral responsiblity to the people we're with. Once we get to a certain age in life, dating is not just about fun and games...it's about a possible future. He has known for the duration of our relationship that my dad died from a heart attack, that 3 of my cousins have MS, that my grandmother died from breast cancer. Why? Because I share things with him. And I can assure you that if I knew there was a 50/50 chance I had breast cancer right now, he'd know about it. I can assure you that if I knew I had a 50/50 chance of passing on a debilitating fatal disease to future offspring, he'd know about it. We have responsibility to the one we're with.

10-26-2009, 11:41 AM	#3
Beautiful Disaster Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States - Kentucky Posts: 473	I think perhaps you misunderstood, or perhaps I wasn't really clear in my explanation of what happened. First, the reaction I've had on here, was 100% totally different than the reaction I had to him. I'm a very supportive person and I would never respond to him in that way. matter of fact, I have said nothing to him about it. He could've said "I got genetic testing and do not have the gene..." or "I do have the gene", but he didn't, so I'm left wondering and left trying to be careful and not "overstep" my boundaries. And I certainly wouldn't "dump" him because he "might" have this debilitating disease. Second, yes 4 mths is soon to reveal certain things about yourself? But in my opinion, 4 months is also soon to be telling someone you want to marry them (which he says regularly). So while I agree with you, I also believe that if you've gotten to the point that you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you shouldn't hide things about yourself that could drastically effect your future together. Huntingtons Disease would without any doubt effect our future together. Why? Because by age 30-40 if he had this GD, he'd begin to lose his coordination, his cognitive functions, suffer from severe behavioral and psychological changes, dimentia, and die a long slow death (as his mother did). Another reason it would affect our future, our children would have a 50% chance of having the same GD. So yes.....I think the second he started talking about spending his life with me, he should've been forthcoming about his own life, his own possible future, etc. In my opinion, those things are not things you wait to tell someone until you're married. I could find out tomorrow that I have cancer. I could indeed be hit by a bus. I'm aware that we are all mortal, we do not know what our futures hold. But I think we hold a certain moral responsiblity to the people we're with. Once we get to a certain age in life, dating is not just about fun and games...it's about a possible future. He has known for the duration of our relationship that my dad died from a heart attack, that 3 of my cousins have MS, that my grandmother died from breast cancer. Why? Because I share things with him. And I can assure you that if I knew there was a 50/50 chance I had breast cancer right now, he'd know about it. I can assure you that if I knew I had a 50/50 chance of passing on a debilitating fatal disease to future offspring, he'd know about it. We have responsibility to the one we're with.