Calm down.
I did not say you were a bad person.
I did not say you acted unreasonably given your situation.
That is your interpretation.
What I did say was that you need to deal with this because it could come back to bite you at any time.
You did not state that his father or father's family regarded him as precious, only that is was a fearful, dangerous situation. People who read your posts have only the information you provide.
Your statement that this first child is in his thirties and doesn't want to meet you implies you have had some contact? You gave no indication of that previously. You can't expect replies that are useful or applicable to your situation if you leave out significant things.
Your sister may have backed off for now, that doesn't mean this won't come up again. You are concerned about how your children will react and that it may be emotionally damaging. Wouldn't it be your and their best interests for you to deal with this now? As long as you haven't dealt with this and are fearful of it's being revealed, then your sister or anyone else who knows about it holds the all the cards. And you live with an edge of fear in your life. Talk with a counselor if you feel it may help and get some advice on how to approach this.
The best way to deal with a poisonous situation is to neutralise it. The only way you can do that is to get it out into the daylight. You're new here and know nothing of me. I may have the ability to understand more of what you have been through than you have any idea of.
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We can only learn to love by loving.
Iris Mudoch, British writer
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