Quote:
Originally Posted by Amber
Something that has been really bothering me the last day or two.  I plan on asking this to the sex therapist when I see her Thursday but I'm wondering what you guys may think. I use guys as a slang but I'm looking for male or female opinions.
Even though my ex broke up because he had a lot of issues to deal with, he did tell me again in our last emails that me not having a spark when we kiss bothered him. I was truely a virgin last April in every sense of the word and a lot of it is very new, even the mental part of it all. I felt totally clueless in that bed of what to do at all.
I always believed that what inside a man is what truely matters. The first thing that always "attracted" me to a guy is his sense of humor. I love a guy with a sense of humor and it is a must for me. I look for a guy with some smarts upstairs, that he is understanding, and kind. You know that kind of stuff. I never went for the dripping wet gorgeous guys because they made me feel self conscious and also most of those guys can have any women they want so you have a lesser of a chance of keeping him. I look for guys that are nice looking but no Matthew McConaughey.
But now I'm finding out that that may not be good enough. Maybe I didn't find my ex gorgeous enough? So how does it work. The only way I'm going to have sparks when I kiss a guy if he looks like a movie star and he is dripping sex just looking at him? When you guys look at your opposite sex, to have sparks, are they down right gorgeous? I'm getting to start to think, at my age, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. |
I understand what you're saying here.
And I think you may be selling yourself short.
For men looking for women, while looks are an attraction, it's what's inside a woman's head that will
keep a man. Physical beauty fades over time. My exes are all exes because they couldn't keep me mentally involved or we weren't on the same page with our thoughts/beliefs.
For example:
A lot of times, the first thing I notice about a woman in a social setting is her behavior, what she's doing, how she is enjoying herself. That first vision alone can make her way more attractive despite what I would think if I were to "rate" her independently of her behavior.
Attitude is a lot. Confidence is a lot. Don't overlook these two powerful attractants.
Now - So are you saying that these really hot guys are what gets your motor going. You are going to have to figure that out yourself. If being intimate with your man wasn't enough, I don't think a fantasy world Matt McConaughey is going to do it, either.
When I look at my g/f yes, there are sparks there. Now, more so than ever, along with feelings of sexual desire, there are also strong feelings of appreciation, too. It's hard to explain, but yes she is my ideal girl in terms of inside and out.
Amber - you aren't going to be alone for the rest of your life. Please remember that you have complete control over your destiny. If there are things you want to work on, you have the time to do it. There are so many ways you can open doors to meeting new people are exploring new things.