For reals girlie.. its not ur fault that your father made decisons that ultimatley drove your family in a postion that their currently in.. i think u need to take your time and think things through.. i do believe u shud forgive him for u.. for peace so that ur heart wont be troubled.. but forgiving is one thing.. and letting him whalts bak into your life again is another.. ur human and so much shouldnt be expected of you.. but you are doing so well to open up... GO YOU.. thats amazing despite all that you have gone through u are talking about it.. and thats wonderful despite all of the bad things u have experianced i believe goodness never dies it jus has a way of coming out of lifes.. harsh circumstances