I'm sorry about your troubles but i know exactly how you feel. I too have suffered from anxiety attacks and depression for the past 2 years.
It's been an exausting process to overcome but getting there slowly.
As for your current situation, i've had extreme difficulties w/my menstraul cycle and PMS, for me is a nightmare...enough that i've considered fixing the problem 4ever. I have experience everything you have said in your posting. The uncontrollable crying, moodiness, anxiety, panic attacks and so forth. I was put on the pill to regulate my cycle but my symptoms got even worse not to metion retaining water...i felt like a cow.
I went to my therapist and told her about my symptoms and when they accured the most. I've been taking prescription antidepressants for my depression but as my cycle became worst my medication was increased because of the same situation u r experiencing. Because you've battle depression/anxiety, i don't know if you've taken antidepressants before.
You might want to see a therapist if you don't have one already. I strongly advice this because of your mental state on how you hate yourself and wanting to die. Please i know all this to well, seek help for this, w/out you knowing it you might be experiencing your depression all over again.
Another route to go is to tell your OBGYN what you're experience. Ofter they are able to either switch you to a different BC or give you an antidepressant themselves. I'm not encouraging use of antidepressants but there's is no shame in taking them either. You would take a pill for a headache, right? Why is this so different if it's willing to help you?
Your last option would be to get off the pill altogether. I know it's not something that you might want to do but your future husband can always wear a condom until you speak to a therapist or your doctor.
I eventually got off the pill because i couldn't take the craziness that came w/it just before my cycle. It literally made me more depressed, self conscious, anxious, you name it i had it. I've now been of the pill for almost 2 months and i tell you i feel much better. I feel sane...and not too mention lighter since i don't have water retention anymore. Major plus!
)
But please do seek some help about how you are feeling. It never hurts to talk to someone when you are feeling out of sworts. We all need it. Not to mention that it would be good now since your probably stressed about your up coming wedding and so many other things that come w/this territory. Have a wonderful wedding day and many, many years of happiness.