hey girls. i am a male on a woment health support forums...

this is long.. but i need your help and advice please read it all

iv been incredably ****** recently with my fiancee.....

one night, i was drinking fairly heavely, she was drinking but not so much, that night when in bed i kept asking for things which isnt very like me, she kept saying no, for some reason i dont know why i kept comming back, i stoped for 10 minits then began foreplay, she deny's it but she was makeing noises + grumbling talk, after about 5 minits i asked if she wanted to have sex, she had the most distinct potitive moan iv ever heard, so i taken it as a yes, while i was doing it she was moveing to make things easier... but about 6-7 minits into it i suddenly get a "what the **** are you doing!?!" at which point i realised ****... she was asleep... and instantly stopped

after hours of tears.... because i cant belive i didnt have that level of self-controll and she was obviously upset to wake up to me haveing sex with her! which i dont ever expect to be forgiven for.

she wouldnt let me leave the room that night... i kept saying i didnt deserve to stay in the room that night, that i was gna go for a walk, come back n sleep somewhere else in the flat. but she wudnt let me out of the room... she wouldnt let me leave in fear of me doing something ****** (dodgey area we were in) she just wouldnt let me leave, n she still wanted to share the bed with me. so eventually she convinced me to stay. i asked in tears if everythings gna be ok.. she said she dunno... i asked if she still loved me.. she said yes, asked if she still wanted to be with me.. she said yes.. and if she still wanted to marry me... she said yes...

but the next day when talking about it she admited to saying those things so that i wudnt leave the room that night.. she says she dosent know why but she does still loves me. which im frankly amazed at.

im scared of looseing her but at the same time i wouldnt blame her if she did. were still together at the moment altho she hasnt seen me since that day - understandably she needs some time....

she says she hasent been able to stop thinking about it all day yesterday, she is seriously emotionally hurt... again im not suprised.

she said that she knows i was drunk, she knows i wouldnt do that if i was sober, she knows how sorry i am and she knows if i cud turn back time and change it i would.

weve been thru alot... and i dont want it to end at the same time im not going to think its gna instantly be ok, i know its going to take time.

im not trying to aim for forgiveness, comfort or any form of sympathy by comming here. i know iv done wrong, i know iv been a total ****.... but im so scared of looseing her... i seriously dont want to and cant loose her... i love her so much, i couldnt loose her, she is my world.

i was raped at a young age, so i know some of what is going through her mind, but not everybody is the same. and im very very scared.

again not looking for sympathy looking for honest views

i have to ask you ladies what would be going through your minds?

thanks for takeing the time to read all of this and hopefully reply.