Hi ladies -

This is my first post here, I hope someone has words of wisdom for me!! I have been with my husband eleven years, married for eight. Our sex life, as great as it is, is very up-and-down. Whenever he's stressed, he has absolutely no interest. So I've learned to deal with it because every other aspect of our marriage is wonderful: he is a great provider, an amazing father, loyal friend, very family oriented, and we communicate really well. We've also had a lot of tragedies in our short life together that we're told we've handled remarkably well and know lots of couples who would not have survived this long, but again, that stress affects our sex life for long periods.

Annnnyyyway... we haven't had sex in eight months. This past winter he was diagnosed with cancer. Right away I did all the research, joined a support group. All the wives and men I spoke to, at one time or another, told me that their sex lives did not suffer at all, throughout chemo or after surgery. Well, we are now one full month since his release from the hospital, four months past chemo, and he hasn't touched me. At all. (He's cancer free, by the way) He just brushes my lips for a kiss, and the one "good" kiss that could have led to something... he just turned over and went to bed. I have been by his side at every turn, sat with him every day during four weeks of chemo, slept by his hospital bed for a month, waited on him hand and foot for his rehabilitation and recovery each time. He'll hold my hand while we watch t.v. or put his head on my chest, but that's the extent.

The problem is that I'm seriously of thinking that if an opportunity presents itself with someone else, I might not say no. I don't go out with my friends because most of them are single (I did not grow up here, these are women I've met) and nights out involve lots of men paying their bills and inviting them to clubs and I know my husband wouldn't appreciate that. The two times I did go out, I was hit on right off and even though I felt great about it, I gave the "happily married" speech and that was that. (BTW, I can't believe that a wedding ring is more of a draw than a deterrent) Last week I had to go to a function back in my hometown and saw lots of guys that I went to school with, dated, etc. I got hit on left and right! I was loving it, and I didn't want to go home.

I don't want a relationship, and I don't want an "emotional" affair. I want sex, and I'm just thinking that next time I might be reckless and let whatever happens happen. I've asked my husband about when he thinks he'll be ready and he keeps saying he "can't wait" - but the doctor gave him the okay a million years ago and he's not ready yet. I'm tired of being rejected in our marriage based on his level of stress or unhappiness and he thinks its completely normal and I should just deal with it. I can't talk about this with my friends or family because they adore him. There is almost no way to talk about this other than to sound like a selfish awful shrew because of the cancer, and I am so guilty that after all these years of our sex life being inconsistent, for some reason now is the time I'm really feeling like a caged animal.

Someone please give me some advice. Please.