Women's Health Support Forums - View Single Post - Husband needs womens advice and suggestions

**JubesInquest** · #5 10-23-2007, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadhubby

Yes, we have talked about seeing a therapist together, but initially she wanted to see one first..., thus her appointment this week actually....as far as the issue with me having another child, I dont think she has any issues about me and my ex together, but rather the fact that our family (me, her and our 2 sons) arent the perfect family in her mind as visitations and such as a hassle at times to schedule/coordinate......Her medication for her illnes has always been an issue until recently (last couple of months) as it appears to be on the right track, but I am left standing with all the memories of being the sole parent during the times of the "lows" and placing my resentment aside to offer a shoulder to cry and recoop on....which I have no problem with doing, but I have a problem with her not being able to do the same for me......I just cant phathom why my wife cant see the things that I have done and use this as motivation to let her guard down and the resentment pass......I know as a man, I have expectations that obviously she doesnt have....example...if it were myself that had the "distant, non-inlove" feelings for my wife and I TRULY wanted it to work out......I would force myself into looking at my wife for all the good she has done, all the good that she brings to our family and although I have resentment towards her, I want this to work out so I will make it a TOP PRIORITY to make her feel loved..........so why is that so hard to ask her to do the same?.....Is it that I want our marriage more than she does?...........Im not asking her to jump in the sack and "pretend" everything is ok, but should it be so difficult for her to want to show affection..........I will take some blame here as she does say that I always want more than she has to offer since she has NO drive at all....and I have what I think is a higher than normal drive so it does make it hard sometimes to deal with the denials....but I just dont think I am asking to much, I just want to see some effort put forth from her and she seems comfortable but says she is unhappy????.......what a mess.

So why is your wife resentful of your ex and the child you had with the ex? Well... Nevermind.

She really does need to see a therapist alone for that bi-polar disorder. If she knew BEFORE you 2 were married that you had another child, and she knew that there would be visitation and all that goes with it; if she couldn't handle it, WHY DID SHE MARRY YOU???????
Why is she seeking the "perfect family"? No family is "perfect"; and yet, every family is as perfect as it can be!
A family is what you make of it. You make things work... such as the visitation. Your child with your ex is still part of your family; and since your wife married to YOU, that child also become part of her life as well---whether she likes it or not.

It would be good for her to show you the love you show her, but I wonder if her illness has an effect on her... and she was off her meds for a while, so that needs to get back into her system on a regular basis.

It's up to you if you want to give her more time or just wait for the counseling sessions.
Just give it a try.