My wife of six years and mother of our two year old daughter had an affair with one of her old flames from ten years ago. They admit to having done everything except vaginal sex on several occasions. I obviously in this situation have little trust in either of them. I have tested negative for STD's thank God. He was married and had kids back then and took advantage of her youth.(she was 19) They worked long hours together alone. He told her he would leave his wife for her and basically that she was everything to him and said whatever else made her feel good and important. Her parents had recently divorced and she was in an emotional state.
He was all talk and she left town to escape the situation and rumors. She had other sexual relations contrary to her religion and upbringing between that time and when I met her.
Her past was a real issue for me when I found out about it while dating. She pushed things a lot further than I wanted to go before maraige which I interpreted that she hadn't been exactly virtuous. I found out SOME of her past. I was bothered, but she was so sweet and seemed to care about me a lot. I got over it over time by thinking that she was immoral because of loyalty to crappy guys. If she could be loyal like that to me it wouldn't be a problem.
At this point I've known about the affair and found out a lot more about her past- especially with this guy. I've called and talked to him several times to try to understand and de-escalate my desire to do bad things to he and his. His wife doesn't know, and I don't feel it's my place to tell her. I think she'd leave him and he'd have feelings and motives to further complicate things for me. She seems like an angel and I wouldn't wish what I feel on her. During the time between March when I found out- and now I've undergone incredible personal and emotional growth to avoid sinking into suicidal despair. (BATTLE!) I've never been so hungry to understand people and especially women. I grew up with five sisters and thought I had it figured out. This quest is why I'm on a womens forum! I'm sincerely grateful for being given the heartfelt advice that has come from you wonderful ladies. Especially from Kaylar, Little, and others.
Now what I'd like to know is what should I look for in her to help me decide whether to continue to stick things out and work with her or to divorce? I truly do not wish to go through this again. I had no clue how HARD and PAINFUL this experience would be. I underestimated the feelings that I would have to go through as I knew it was a possibility when I married Heather. I NEVER would have married her had I known the scope of the PAIN thats at times debilitated me and robbed me of so much peace and sleep! I'm grateful for the growth I've experienced, but I also deserve to be with someone who loves me and that I can love, trust, admire, and cherish with all my heart. I know my post is long, thank you for your concern enough to read it!