I can't deny what you ladies have said. I didn't know everything of her past that I know now, but I new enough to know better. I took a leap of forgiveness and faith that she had a good upbringing and that would kick in. I'm proud of myself that I can do that, but disappointed that I was so blind! I know what I need to do now. I just have fear and anxiety about doing it. I never used to be anxious about anything. Decisions have always been so much easier for me. I feel like I can't do it now because I have finals in two weeks and I'm doing great in my classes. ( I have a new love and commitment to school as it's a beautiful distraction) And I'm registered and paid up for spring semester too. I know Kaylars cringing as she reads this, but I'm turning 30 next month and I'm not done with school. OUCH. Yeah I took two years off to serve a volunteer mission, but I should have been done by now. I also took off to get money for a house, a baby, medical bills etc. I'm not lazy or a slacker it's just there's always something that takes me out of the saddle you know? Help? Advice- even if it's not what I want to hear. I'm not vengeful by choice. I feel the feelings I just don't act on them. What about just graduating and paying whatever I have to to toadess and just keep looking and building myself up up up?