Hey Drew -

Yeah, sometimes I think about reopening that post, but I don't know. Things didn't improve much in the sexual arena, so to speak. We had one session, and it was good, but it was the only one. He just does not have interest and I have no interest in pursuing it - again, as usual, being the aggressor. I'm tired of it. This year has drained me mentally and emotionally and my support system (him) is drained as well, so its hard for us to lean on each other. He sees himself as a science experiment, which of course to me he is not. But I understand his issue.

I still think about cheating. Not concretely, just in the abstract, like, it would be so nice to have one hot and heavy makeout session with a cute smart funny guy just to boost my self esteem. But then again, its called SELF esteem... I shouldn't need someone else to boost it. But I crave the physicality sometimes, and my hubby isn't delivering, and he brushes it off when I bring it up ("you're being ridiculous" or "I don't see that at all" being his favorite replies)

The other thing that bothers me is that he seems perfectly fine with no physical affection at all, and then at times he just wants to jump back into sex. I'm like, HELLO??? My entire body has been neglected for a year and you're just interested in specific pieces right now? It doesn't make me feel close to him at all.

I can't talk about it too much because it is literally killing me. I look like I've aged five years in ten months. Which makes it worse; at least before I didn't think I looked my age and would get hit on here and there when I was out of the house. Now I just feel invisible.

Sorry to unload - you have your own things you want to discuss!!!