I can't imagine as a kid my parents telling me to clean up my room and simply ignoring them and not doing it. My dad would have my hide! No one has addressed the fact that you have mentioned more than once that you tell her to clean up or bathe and she doesn't.

How did you get to the point where your 9 year old gets to pick and choose when to listen to her parents and when to dismiss what they say.

When I was a kid, we were told to clean our rooms. So we went and cleaned them. Right then and there. No questions. Then my dad would come in and 'inspect' if it wasn't up to his standards he would point out the things that needed to be redone. Then we would go and do another once-over. It got to the point that we just did it right the first time to avoid the hassle of my dad flipping out when he came in to check.

I think you just need to put your foot down and say hey, clean up and stand there and make her do it. When she gets out of the shower, if she's not clean enough- make her get back in and wash again. Stand there and make her put on deodorant. Eventually, she will get sick of you standing there watching her every move and she'll just do it on her own to avoid the situation.