CHANDLERS WISH

Only because of the way that it has un-folded and of course, i suspect most of you will be being "what?".... As it is certainly extremely different and your going to wonder why I'm doing this, it could be 3 or 4 posts trust me....

But, ok. Here's goes. Let's forget about what i didn't have, except, imagine, on the side, never a chance to orgasm, never kissed, "when your good", yet i had freedom plus, so no jealousy, perhaps as i've said, he didn't know how to love and i'm quite a nice looking lady, so perhaps a fear of what his first wife did, then there's the fact that i saw with my own eyes when men looked at me, his reaction, and he never smiled about it...... But my logic at the time was " he'd run away with a car before another woman" so i figured i could "change him". You can not change anyone, it is not possible, but i thought with time..... Then one day the "time" was up... and i realised i need more, want more, deserve more.

So, i left 30/5/07. Initially, i didn't want sex, but definately wanted to be kissed. I flirted extensively and felt on top of the world, and yep, had my first "pash" as i went to get into my car and left it at that, by a man whom i never looked twice at until i was single. But that was it.

There's a time factor here when you leave, so yes, of course, i gave it another shot after all, i hadn't cheated, but ah, taking all again, giving nothing, just doing and turning up not on time, but when he felt like it...
That was it.

So, tried internet dating, more for the purpose of being able to dress up, converse and get my confidence. That was the funniest experience of my life. No one looked like their photos, one actually had no leg and talked about blood coming from his eyes that he is fixing... aaahhh... I felt quite frustrated by the end of it.

Then i changed my text, "It's a big Universe, doesn't matter where you live", as i also changed my prospective, how can you find a man in one City, when you know what you want and he could be anywhere?"

Now i had had adventure, absolutely, before marriage, i worked in management in hospitality and hours were strange, so i had long standing affairs, ( not married ones), just passionate, adventurous, long, always hungry affairs. It actually, left a couple asking me later in life, why didn't you chose me, as in to continue to the next level... I was a hungry career woman, who also enjoyed the lust of all of this. So, like most women, i was in constant desire, lust and wanting, and these affairs had me against walls, driving home in underwear with the man at the time, ( whom i always loved in my way), following me home, to then go against the back of my car, get dressed and go home... The fun days.

Of track here.... So, in November, i went back on the internet dating site... I conversed with (3)... And, i was quite confused...

One offered, yes,yes,yes, i miss you, love you, darling... The other one offered, honesty, direction and said he'd wait which ever way i went, and the third was s.....t scared of me, i'm convinced, as he was a Pilot and i own a what would be conceived as a large business, but not....

So, i chose the miss you, love you, darling and went to Perth for 7 days to see. God, i swear, the moment i layed eyes on this scrawny 6 foot male whom in the photo looked buff and meaty, that was it, it was over, and fortunately, he was ill, so we visited lots of his friends, collegues, etc whilst he kept sleeping and i entertained whilst being entertained.... and in the meantime, Pilot rang whilst there, and the honesty guy, sent an email.... I cried when i left because i kind of liked the honesty one, but he just came into the picture and if you don't go you don't know. And, I hate liers, and Perth guy had the opportunity to tell me he didn't look like his photo..

So, back still a new Virgin... I continued writing to the honesty guy...and learn't MNS chat and started to like him as a person, his thoughts and the way he made me laugh.

He talked about long massages and kind of obviously tried to seduce me but also wrote good normal warm things about life, or asking how i was and all of a sudden this became a day thing. He would say things like, you had to go to find out, i can not judge on these other men, i am not there. He lives a world apart.

So, to now what you asked: - Important i give you the whollllle picture..

As the daily messages occured, i found that there was someone listening to my day!!! What? He wanted to know how my day was? And, cheeky little comments that made me laugh and laugh and all of a sudden i wanted to get to really know this guy.

I was closed in, lost. One night, we arranged that when i got home after being out with a girlfriend, i would text him and we would chat on MNS. I drank myself silly, for what ever reason i was nervous.....

Well that conversation let to " I know what i want and will find it, your thinking with your logical brain, can't you think with feelings?".

Anyway, the next thing i was spilling my heart out and saying he didn't understand and being needy... God forbid, he didn't click of, he hung in there and tormented me...lol. Broke me down, and in each sentence i was so wanting to open up but couldn't, i cried.

Next thing you know, we're talking on the phone, and he's massaging me and bugger, i feel my breathe changing, the want and desire and knowing i'm safe. I felt heated, so heated and he heard it all. And, the whole scene changed. He started asking me, things, his voice changed deep and next thing you know we were making love over a telephone and i was moaning, talking a little, and absolutely beside myself.

At 3am in the morning, when we hung up, so for me to see when i woke up, he sent an email saying " I'm of to bed now, but i was wondering as neither of us expected to feel this intensity, any thoughts".

I told him that i felt beautiful, and that i knew he was breaking me, and i gave in, i wasn't ashamed and it certainly wasn't dirty but he did say things that i so badly wanted and hadn't had and he had stated, "it's been a long time since someone licked you" etc. We connected, yep, unfortuanately...

So that was in December.

Since then i have written fantasies, and he has played them out. We have chatted on MNS and well let say, had sex there to, a text message " let me eat you", or mine describing what i want to do to him", or simply " i'm lusting any suggestions?" and the phone is picked up.

He is coming to my town to ,meet me from the other side of the world on the 30/5/08, ( 1 year to the day) that i left...For three days.

Now what you don't know is that he is coming here to live and his critera of search was to find someone here.

I have checked things and know for a fact, he is divorced, he is waiting as " life is to short", not mucking around over there whilst he waits, and we have to satisfy this new found hunger in each other somehow in the meantime.

We also talk normal and communicate normally, finding out about each other and he is 4 years older than me, i'm mid 40's.

Now, the three days will be three days of totally getting to know each other from all we speak and do, no one else, just us, no introductions to friends, family just us and if it works fantastic... If it doesn't gee i'm learning so much and feeling so much it's incredible.

I am in as i say it " The Zone", he talks about his tongue being inside me, my body part against his face, fingering, spending ages, massaging my shoulders, then down my back, back of legs, kissing my whole body, sucking, exploring parts of my body that even i don't know about. Spending ages there, with his mouth, tongue and fingers and then just the tip of him, for ages and ages...

And then of the "horny times" where he just visualised me with a towel around me testing the water in the bath bent over, as he walks in the house and just takes me there and then.

And, for me, spending ages on him, then me putting myself in his face whilst he's blindfolded and then walking out to the clothesline, tying my hands to the line and him just entering there and then.

I have explored my body and never new it as i do now,"you have to love yourself before anyone can love you" He'll send a text, Make love to me babe out of the blue. I now immediately cum, and in one session on my own 9 orgasms, last night with him 5 before he did.

Before, i would not have known what that was about and the lust and hunger and now not being afraid for someone to put their tongue inside me, or "eat me" or do what ever they want to me, long and lengthy before penetration i would never have know existed other than thinking of porn magazines, now i know it's beautiful...and i deserve it and to give back and experiment the pleasure i can provide as well.

So, yes, it will be 12 months to the day, yes i'm refraining of finding this out with anyone other than him, and yes, i'm in total lust but also know what ever the outcome, we had 5 months first to get to know each other, 5 months of me growing and it's going to be the hottest 3 days of my entire life.

So, when i say, i'll never ever go back to what i had, it's true.... and if it doesn't work out that being that on the other level, we're not compatible then i will only look for a man who shows passion in his life, as he will take that ten fold into the bedroom..

This will either become my "soulmate" for the rest of my life, or my "teacher" for what is ahead of my life.

Either way, it's exciting and beautiful, god, i can't even drive to work without laughing as it's a manual car with the gear stick in my hand, or have a shower without seeing him pushing me up against the wall and bending me over.

He is also extremely passionate about life, work as i am. And, i have once had a "tiss" and he said " i am assuming you are reflecting on our time together, but i hope you see what i am saying as being true".. And, once i realised that it was, that was it... I fell a bit deeper in lust and truly can't wait for my (3) days. He travels alot here, and we've talked about meeting up also half way "if" we work out when we meet as there are other facets of course, other than sexual desire but from our chats, i think we will...

The only fear here, is the un-known of whether we "click" totally but as i said, either way, i'm the winner.

But time will tell....

So Rose, this is who i was, what i had, where i've been in life, to where i am now, and free, i have all the space i want, all the rooms i need, all the explorations of myself for myself whilst i grow in this beautiful new found world and i am in constant, sensuality on a daily basis which makes me glow and laugh and be happy.

So, Internet dating can work, if you truly know what your looking for, i knew i wanted someone sensual, but i had no idea about the deep passion, and what should be happening in the bedroom and the learning experience of myself discovery.

Lastly, i like the intimacy thoughts like " a simple touch on your shoulder as i walk by"... It's not all about sex. So, tell you all in May what happened, "sort of".... lol.

Whoa, that was lengthy.....

That is what you have to look forward to......................