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Originally Posted by just4me
First i'll start by saying i'm new here,,hello all. Second I'll start by saying I was kinda scared about posting my problem here because before I joined I read alot of posts here and my issue is one that it seems "has been done to death around here". Yes I am involved with a married man...or should I say was. I have been with him for 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. He is in Canada and I am in the states. Anyway there have been many, many problems through out our time together. The final thing was in December after he came to visit me for Christmas I found out he was not only cheating on his wife with me, but he was also cheating on both of us with another woman. We broke up after I found this out. We have still been in contact and have fought, screamed, cried over all of it. He wants to be friends and eventually hopes we can get back to what we had. Of course part of me still wants him because of the time I have spent with him. Yes i've heard it all from him, the wife is this and that, his marriage is awful, he won't leave til his kids are outta school. And yes I know he isn't ever gonna leave. He tells me i'm his soul mate, that if i leave him for good he couldn't and can't function without me. I know its all bull cause he once again showed his true colors this past Sunday by cussing and screaming at me. MY ISSUE is I know I have to go, I am even seeing a therapist to help me with this. But everytime he contacts me I let him back in only to get hurt again and again. My therapist says he is very manipulative and he seeks out women like me, cause this isnt his first go around, if you know what I mean. I can be so strong until I hear from him then I cave. And he starts all his crying again, then my heart breaks for him. If I went thru everything that has happened I could type for days, lol. And of course his classic is everything is always my fault. ANYWAY I know I have to get away from him I just can't seem to find that inner strength I know I have to do get away from him once and for all. I even know that I don't feel the same way for him that I once did but its like he still has this hold over me that I can't seem to break off FOR GOOD. Any feed back will be nice to hear.
"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, Love Truley. Laugh uncontrollably, AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE"  |
Well there is no doubt that you need to leave this guy. He is manipulative and he is just using you. His cries, and saying that his marriage is horrible, etc. are just ways for him to lure you back in again, which is the way he manipulates. In my opinion, if his marriage was so awful, he wouldn't still be in it. This guy is clearly a liar and a jerk that has his way with women, disrespects them and its an ongoing cycle that won't stop. I haven't been in this situation myself, but I have known people that have had similar problems. Some of these men end up abusing these women (especially since they are manipulative and it usually happens when they feel like they are losing control) and make them feel like worthless pieces of cr*p and make them feel like they don't deserve any better. They make them feel like the best they deserve is feeling horrible about themselves and getting hit. No women deserves that. You deserve better than him.
You need to tell him that you are sick of his manipulative ways. You are sick of him yelling, screaming, lying and disrespecting you. This guy is never going to change. If you decide to continue to be friends again, he will use one his stategies to make you cave, then that makes you part of the cycle again. You need to tell him that you deserve better than him, because you do and basically tell him to hit the road that leads its way out of your life.
Best of luck with everything, hope this helps!!!