Quote:
Originally Posted by just4me
First i'll start by saying i'm new here,,hello all. Second I'll start by saying I was kinda scared about posting my problem here because before I joined I read alot of posts here and my issue is one that it seems "has been done to death around here". Yes I am involved with a married man...or should I say was. I have been with him for 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. He is in Canada and I am in the states. Anyway there have been many, many problems through out our time together. The final thing was in December after he came to visit me for Christmas I found out he was not only cheating on his wife with me, but he was also cheating on both of us with another woman. We broke up after I found this out. We have still been in contact and have fought, screamed, cried over all of it. He wants to be friends and eventually hopes we can get back to what we had. Of course part of me still wants him because of the time I have spent with him. Yes i've heard it all from him, the wife is this and that, his marriage is awful, he won't leave til his kids are outta school. And yes I know he isn't ever gonna leave. He tells me i'm his soul mate, that if i leave him for good he couldn't and can't function without me. I know its all bull cause he once again showed his true colors this past Sunday by cussing and screaming at me. MY ISSUE is I know I have to go, I am even seeing a therapist to help me with this. But everytime he contacts me I let him back in only to get hurt again and again. My therapist says he is very manipulative and he seeks out women like me, cause this isnt his first go around, if you know what I mean. I can be so strong until I hear from him then I cave. And he starts all his crying again, then my heart breaks for him. If I went thru everything that has happened I could type for days, lol. And of course his classic is everything is always my fault. ANYWAY I know I have to get away from him I just can't seem to find that inner strength I know I have to do get away from him once and for all. I even know that I don't feel the same way for him that I once did but its like he still has this hold over me that I can't seem to break off FOR GOOD. Any feed back will be nice to hear.
"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, Love Truley. Laugh uncontrollably, AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE"  |
Hi just4me.
More power to you for seeing a therapist as it is more than apparent you want out, just can't find the door, as it keeps opening just that little bit and the wind comes through and blows you away for just an instant.....
You also say that you don't feel the same anymore but can't seem to break it of for good.
That's a start and also i would suspect, because you found out there was a (3rd) so it's not possible that you are his "soul mate" and even if he was honest, honest men don't have three on the go. He has the power and likes the power and no man wants to lose that power once gained. He, simply is trying to keep everything the way it was, in fact i would bet if he could have a 4th, he'd be doing that to. Or if he could change his employment so he travelled to 10 states, he would have 10 women, power.
My suggestion is, one, change your home telephone number to silent, and change your mobile number so he can't contact you.
If your car lives outside, and he turns up on your door step, go out the back door, over the **** fence and go for a walk.
If he can't contact you, you can get through this as you "can't hear him" and he may very well concentrate on number 3 more, and give up and find a different number 2.
If he becomes persistant and writes, tell him to leave you alone, or perhaps you should visit Canada if your his "soul mate" and tell his wife.
That will surely make him stop contact with you. But this can be dangerous pending on what type of character he is, he's very good if he fakes crying to win you.
If you have to do that and you feel comfortable, then also ensure that he knows that you have told your family, and close friends, his name address and all.
Be safe, keep moving in the direction your moving in, and perhaps as such, you will learn your worth and love yourself, then give it to the right partner who will give it back 100%...
Best wishes and welcome.