Quote:
Originally Posted by just4me
What I meant by typing for days was all the **** that has happened between us. And your right it wouldn't change a thing. It is hard for me to let go because of things that he and I have shared but I am trying my damdest to do so. I have been married before and even with my ex I didnt enjoy sex very much. For the first time in my life I opened up and enjoyed the heck outta sex with this man. I know that is no reason to stay with anyone, especially this person. Now its not about that, even though at times I miss that part of him. When I set and think about it, that may be the only part I honestly do miss. I also know I'll find another person I am totally compatiable with in all aspects and I want that. But I will not until I am totally over this person. I DO NOT need a man in my life to survive, that I have come to understand too. I would rather spend the rest of my life with just my son and I than to continue to live with the pain this person has inflicted on me.
When I first read Caroline's post I cried because I thought it was harsh, but after I reread it, some of it is true. I tell myself I'm not in love with him anymore, maybe I'm trying to convince myself to much. I don't know. All I know is I am tired of hurting and that if I stay and continue to let him do this that is all I am going to continue to do is hurt. I need to say enough is enough and run away. You said you really doubt I'm ready to let this go and you may be right but for my own piece of mind its what I have got to do. I have a 10 year old son whom I love with my whole heart and soul and I have to be there for him. I have done so much I am not proud of and I want to show him that its not fair to treat a human being this way and that all should be treated with respect. And if I were to stay with this man I'm not showing my son anything except that its ok to roll over and take anything someone gives you.
I just want the pain and hurt to go away, I want to come out of this a stronger person and a better person, not a loser.  |
Honey, I have a doctor appointment for a physical that I do not want to go to as I do not like doctors...But unfortunately he also doles out my prescription so he and I are gonna rock and roll and I will proceed to get naked and stroke him out.
I want to write more but it will have to wait until I get home...Even if I have to double post, I will write you later. We are also going shopping and out to lunch so it will probably be 5 hours or so....Caroline