Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen1
After I posted my "admission" of having a relationship with a married man I regretted it. At the time I just felt that I needed to put it out there to show that it does happen even to those of us who have strong beliefs about such things. I know no one here knows me but if you knew the person I was before it happened you would have thought I would have never committed such a wrong - I certainly never thought I would. I couldn't understand how anyone could do such a thing.
He was a friend to my ex-husband and myself. I was at the end of my bad (verbally abusive etc.) marriage and was at the point that I had no self esteem. He saw the opportunity and took it. This man was cunning. He knew exactly what to say and do to get what he wanted. I heard stories about his "terrible in laws" and how terrible his wife was, how she mistreated him, and even how bad a mother she was. Among those I heard stories about how wonderful I was, how he dreamed of a life with me, how much he loved me etc. etc.
I have never claimed to be without fault but when I look back on it I think that had I not been in such a state of mind at that particular point in time, I never would have fallen into such a terrible situation. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for giving in. That affair is one mistake in my life that I would give anything to take back.  |
Honey, life is full of thoughts of "take back's". Some we can and some we can't. If you look at your affair and what I did, I am not sure if I would be classified as acting like a wh*re or a sl*t. I fitted the bill for each of them.....I was one thing....Great looking and did not know who lived inside my body....A hot young woman, lovely to look at and ripe for picking...I had not yet even let my sailor into my pants...I was 20 years old and hot to trot and I think back on this and smile for mine was a part of my life that made me who and what I am today just as your adventure was to you...No matter how much we want to regret it, we both learned from it....
What did we learn from it is a memory that will always stay with us..We learned that man is a wonderful animal that can awaken us to the soul of our being...He can sweet talk and flatter and if the time is right and the moon is set just at the right point and a dog barks a certain way that we are dying to be fuc*ed...We learned that we have this awakening between our legs that stirs with the passion of being a woman and like the animal's in the jungle we will seek that mate for mating...We are sexually hungry and need to be filled....And that is the name of wanting sex. Something that many of us deny, but stirs us with the passion and want of sex, and is our missing peg in life..
You were lonely and hurting and he being the male fox knew his moves...I had my own male fox who was 30 years older who found a beautiful young woman and with flattering words, talked her pants and bra off....Hey, it was my fault too...I wanted what I did not know....Should I dam myself...Nope....It was fun....Do I regret it....Yes and No...More NO...I needed it...We never had intercourse but everything else...I was so sexually hungry that I let this continue for months...Maybe it stopped a month before my husband got out of service and came home to marry me...This was not easy to stop...He was my boss and he, being a smart man, did not want it to stop...This really messed with my mind for a while but somehow I made it through......But honey, it is the life of a woman...We are the animal that needs the sex...We deny what we need and when it happens we do not know how to handle it but give in...We hurt and our pu*sy needs filling...And then later in life we dam ourselves for what we did because we were weak....Not realizing that it was just the animal in us that lost control....
I believe what happened to me happened because it was supposed to happen...I was too sexually hot and needed this calming...Maybe it kept me chaste in a marriage but it happened because it was supposed to happen. It does not make it right but allows me to accept who I am as you must accept what you live with...You are not bad, because if you are, then I am, and honey, I am a good woman..
With all of my admissions and life I write to the world...Sure I could be found out and don't want to be but you admitted something because you knew that admitting it that you were helping another woman...You were saying we are not all perfect, but we are all good women and so are you..
When my husband told me of the possible affair with the woman waiting at the hotel, I was scared to ask him if he went. When he said NO I breathed easier but either way he would have this same tiger in bed with him....I would not have changed....If anything, I am more wild than I used to be and if at that time a simple one night stand had came into my life, I would never have given him up....A long affair where he loves two women is another story but, a one night stand would weight different.
Knowing what I know has helped me as a woman...I am able to say I had an affair with a married man and I had a husband that could have had one...She was waiting at the hotel...This last admission by him less than 8 months ago has put me in a place in life where I can really talk with women....I hurt for either side for I, too, am a woman with the passion of all my yesterday's.........
Honey, we grow and grow......we have no lessons in life..............but my dear, we are all sister's and a Forum such as this is our bonding place........I can reach out to you and say I understand............And you can feel the vibes of loves coming through the keyboard to you........Now, just enjoy life and have a ball....Look back and smile, for each is a another lesson in life.....I know, I am still learning.. .xox Caroline