I feel awful today. I'm hurting so much. I hate feeling this way and want it to stop. I'm starting to lose my patience with all of this. I know what I am doing is right and it will get easier. I just want this missing him feeling to go away.

Today is day 12. I feel like a bad person because I miss him so. I mean gawd this is a married man, who is a complete jerk, womanizer, player, and the list could go on forever. And I know its not hurting him no where near as bad as its hurting me.

I think maybe its because there was no good-bye. We just had that huge fight on Sunday, 3/16/08 and both of us left the computer. There was no finish to it, I just decided that I wasn't going to contact him anymore that I was tired of being talked to and treated that way. I know I can't contact him to say good-bye because that wouldn't be good for me. I just feel so empty at times. I don't want to hurt anymore .
I feel I'm losing my strength to do this. And I also know if I go back I'm just losing more. I just want this to end.