This weekend I watched the movie Juno. If you don't know what this movie is about it is a story about a 16 year old girl that ends up pregnant.

As I watched the movie it took me back in time to my own pregnancy when I was 16. As I recalled the circumstances of my own situation this feeling of great sadness came over me. My experience was much different.

In this movie things were portrayed so much different than what I experienced. I sat and wondered was this just Hollywood's glorified portrayal of the situation or had things really changed so much that it just seemed an acceptable every day occurance. I also wondered that if my situation had been more like the one portrayed in the movie how different it would have been. How different would I be today. At the age of 40 I still harbor a lot of quilt, shame and sadness which I believe it has to do with the way I was treated.

My mother was heartbroken, she cried for weeks. Her main "problem" was what was everyone was going to think. She's always been the type that worries about what the neighbors will think, what the people at church will think. She seem to base a large part of her life on appearances. She made it clear that she was embarrassed to be seen with me out in public. She even said to me once "I can't wait to have a grandchild that I can be happy/excited about".

My father, he handled it differently. My father is quiet, and looking back I never remember him being one to really display affection to us kids although I know he loves us. The day he found out I was pregnant he came to me put his arm around me and said "what's done is done and we will just take it from here".

My peers, those I went to school with, treated me like a dog. I became a target for constant harassment. In class they would throw things at me and talk loud enough so that I could hear. The one thing that stands out in my mind most was one boy saying "hasn't she ever heard of abortion?". Still to this day I can hear him clear as day. At lunch time I would be left alone sitting at the end of a lunch table and the girls nearby would thrown food at me. I've often wondered now years later what these people thought about the way they treated me and what kind of people they had become. Needless to say I never returned to any of my high school reunions to find out as the memories of it made me sick to my stomach.

My boyfriends parents ... well his father didn't ever have much to say but his mother was pure . She constantly took shots at me to beat me down. At one point she made clear that me having the baby was not what she wanted as she looked at me and with a hateful voice said "well it's to late to do anything about it now". I knew she was speaking of abortion. Later she tried to get me to give him away telling me that she knew quite a few well to do doctors that would love to have a child.

I've blocked out most memories of what I experienced and only bits and pieces remain but those that remain still bring me down if I spend to much time dwelling on them.

Today my 24 year old son is doing wonderful. He's married and has a great job. He is my best friend.