04-24-2008, 11:09 AM
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March 2008 "Poster of the Month"
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: SF bay area
Posts: 619
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I think a marriage without trust is worthless. Here I mean “trust”, not the old cold war “trust but verify” which is not trust at all. Trust means not checking their cell phone records, email, internet history, credit card statements, etc. If you feel you need to check those things, you have a business relationship, not a loving marriage.
It you happen to discover that your partner has violated that trust, I think you have two choices: Abandon the relationship ( you can stay married for practical reasons if you wish), or forgive, and trust again.
Scrutinizing someone while they “earn” your trust is likely to fail. You will never convince yourself that they are not cheating (can’t prove to yourself it didn’t happen), and you may find evidence of cheating even if it didn’t’ happen.
To me, you have lost the greatest part of the value of a relationship if you don’t trust your partner.
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