oookay, can we say BOT!!!

Anyways, CW I just feel terrible sometimes. I feel a little unstable sometimes, like the tiniest thing can set me off. My body is constantly in "protective mode" and I can never really relax. Sometimes I just feel like someone is going to bust through our window or kick our door down and do horrible stuff!

Do you think I need counseling? This has beyond "eaten me up" and I'm so scared. Brent said to me last night "there's not much we can do". He's right, but to the point of not being able to control what happens on the outside. But I need him to support me emotionally. I know I can be a whiny baby sometimes, but come on!! I am freaking traumatized here!! The thing that sticks with me is that the cops didn't even bother looking for him very good...I think they just drove around the block once and that was it!! It also took them 20 minutes to get there!!! I bet if we were a rich white family they'd be nit picking the streets to this day.

I just hate this neighborhood...we're bottom priority with the cops and the city, and the justice system HAS proven themselves racist time after time. I DO feel like a minority, although I never have before...it sucks, but what can I do about it? I'm just a slobbering Indian in the hood with no job! and according to "them" I'm a dirty drunk, druggie with no life. They label ALL of us like that...even whites in this community....but no one cares...no cops, more freedom for the REAL losers to do stuff like drink, dope up or do crime.... *sigh*

Wheew...I REALLY needed to vent....thanks for listening

oh yeah, instead of drinking last night, I went to Bingo lol. I won like $10, but it's better than nothing!! hehe