lol.. Hey winning is winning, see you didn't spend the $10 on drinking, so you therefore made $20~~

I think there is way too much going on in your life that is negative, and frightening and consequently you do need support and lots of it, your not winy, you'll head for a meltdown, if not... It's like one thing after another, but more importantly, it's a sincere fear that is lurking.

1.. I'd be telling Brent, you love me, I'm your Fiance and i can not take this anymore, i want that fence up and i want it up now, and I'm prepared to help you, i can't live like this in fear anymore... Express the honesty and fear, not just a comment passing that he is ignoring.

2. Do you have to stay? You say that your jobs don't occur because of your emotions, can you and Brent move way out somewhere, to a 1 bedroom place? If you were both working? If you didn't fear so much maybe you'd be happier and therefore, clean, babysit what ever you have to to earn the income, but be happy about it.

3. Your Mother is also bringing you down... She probably herself a long time ago felt like you and drugs and alcohol are the means for her, maybe i don't' know that, but point being, you don't need to be around that, nor ever like that...

You have inner strength to the "hilt", otherwise you would have gone out drinking not Bingo...

It's still there.

So, start "planning" your escape, even if it's the fence, then a job because you know you can, save bits and then vamoose....

But, get your head around this, nothing is impossible, it may be slightly better, which will feel like 10 times better and each month as it passes and you see some goals happening, it will get even better.

Thanks for sharing...

CW