Hi Shar.

Well what matters is what's in your soul, heart.

When your father-in-law passes, you will always know, just like with his wife, you were there till the end, regardless of words spoken and you will always be able to walk with your head held high...and a knowledge that even though you've been hurt, you did not allow that "evil side of words spoken" cloud who you are inside....

It sounds to me that you are a giving person by nature, so give.

That would be what i would do.

Your husband on the other hand maybe should have said something but it's always difficult in family situations..

Just as much as you could have stated at the time, well, she was special to me and the vase would have been a terrific reminder of her to both myself and my husband as it would have sat proud..

That of course would have shut them up.

I am a believer of giving back, in such a way, that floors people when mis-judged....by being straight forward but very nice...

Hope this helped a little, but this is just my Opinion only.

CW