I've been having a lot of trouble with being depressed most every day for the last 6 months. I haven't slept through the night for the same amount of time. Here is my condensed story of how I came to this point in my life...

7 months ago I relocated 1900km's away from where I had lived for 37 years. I did this for the love of my life. I took the biggest leap of faith because I believed in him, and in us. Needless to say for reasons still not clear to me he ended the relationship after a month. Ok this sucks!! But I can handle a break up right??? Or so I thought. I have also not had luck with finding a job, which is stressful. And I spent the first holidays away from the rest of my family for the first time in my life. My father passed away 3 months ago after a very long and painful battle with cancer. I do not have any friends here yet...and the worst part of it all is I have had to still live in the same house with this man while I am looking for my own place. I haven't even started to get over him, and get on with things. It's next to impossible to try to do while still living under the same roof as him. I feel very unwelcome here, even though he says he is ok with it, and he wants me to find a place that I like and not rush into something just to get out of here.

We still have sex, which I know is a really bad idea, I know to him it is just sex, but with me there are lots of feelings still involved. I just can't seem to get a back bone and say no, I want him, because it is the only physical contact I get. I am very lonely, and very sad, and lately anger has started to creep into it as well. I find myself very paranoid that he is up to something, and I snoop...I've never snooped on anyone, and I feel guilty when I do it, but then I still do it again. I find myself being short with people, and feeling the urge to hit something, though I never have. I have made an appointment to speak with a therapist, but in the mean time I would love any insight you all might share with me. Anything that makes getting through the day a bit easier.

Thanks for reading