Quote:
Originally Posted by CollegeChic
How can you tell if they're the one for you?
I asked the question to so many people when i was a teenager and they always told me "oh, you'll just know".
Well i met a man about a month ago, and we clicked instantly. He and i are all ready talking about marraige. His family is all for it. My family keeps saying that we don't know each other well enough, we haven't been together long enough to know for sure.
I've always respected the opinions and advice of my family, but i feel like they're wrong on this one, that they're just being over protective. But i'm also afraid that if he and I do what we want, what we feel is the right choice, that it's going to upset a few people in my family, a few people whom i'm very close to.
Do i still follow my heart? or listen to my family?
It's not that they don't like him, they just think we're rushing. We don't feel like we're hurring into anything, we just don't see the point in holding off on what we're ready for.
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Here is what is recommended in professional pre-counseling sessions:
Have 2 lists that consists of the same questions.
You answer without his help and he answers without your help.
Then you meet together at a time when you are not in a rush to really talk about the list.
Talking about the list in honesty and not trying to agree just to keep arguments down. Here are some questions that may appear on the list.
Feel free to add more. Questions should be concerned about big issues.
Not who-gets-mad-if-the-toothpaste-cap-is-off questions.
1) Do you want to have children? How many, how soon?
2) What is your religion, are you practicing it. If different from yours which one is important to you for the household?
3) Do you expect one of us to take care of the kids at home and the other spouse work?
4) What type of discipline you feel is acceptable for raising children?
5) How good is your credit?
6) How much debt are you in?
7) Have you ever been arrested, why?
8) How much do your relatives like to visit/sleep over?
9) How do you feel about birth control?
10) Would you be willing to relocate if my job relocated or I just wanted to relocate to another state/country?
11) If I became really ill, would you feel comfortable taking care of me for years if needed?
12) Do you prefer large/small wedding?
13) How much money do you feel is acceptable for a family to save?
14) Do you plan on going back to school?
15) Have you ever hit a guy/woman?
16) Do you have a substance abuse problem/drink/do drugs?
17) How often a week do you like to have sex?
18) What sex act would you absolutely not like to do?
19) Have you ever done a "taboo" sex act. What was it?
20) Have you ever slept with someone of the same sex?
21) Are you HIV positive? Carry any type of STD?
22) Have you ever been tested for HIV?
...
*Note, it is important to see how each of you react when you are in a stressful/angered situation.
You usually can tell the true character in 6 months to a year.