Although it sounds like the gyno experience was both physically and emotionally painful on it's own merits, I can't help but wondering if the experience was even worse for you also given your childhood abuse trauma.

Do you think counselling would help. Also you can buy some great meditation/visualisation cd's to use prior to operations. I used one of these years ago and although it sounds kind of corny it did really help me to get through a procedure I was really stressing about. Sorry I can't remember the name of it but you could try a new age shop.

Hoping things get better for you.

tt