oh ya and I tried, there isn't anyway to find out what is going on. Privacy act. or something like that. I can't say what to do with your marriage but I wish I would have done something a year ago when I realized this was so . He is still so into it and his comments to me have only gotten worse. I don't know how much self esteem I have left but I am using it to pull myself up and move on. When he comes around (however long that takes) I don't want to be vulnerable to him. I want to be at a sure place of saying No. I am better off now. Even though at the moment that is a huge step I am taking baby steps to get there. Try to find a way to get an education. That is one of my comforts in all of this. I have something to fall back on.