I never had an orgasm with a man until my current boyfriend. And based on some of those orgasms, I don't think I really had one with myself until he came around.
I'm only 20 years old, and I've only had sex with 2 men, but growing up in these times, I fooled around with guys as a teenager ... I had the same problem as you seem to have. Obviously I could feel them touching where they touched, but it didn't feel good. Sort of like a doctor's touch.
But I knew there was supposed to be some other feeling and it was really upsetting to me; I felt like I was defective or doing something wrong.
So while I am a full-fledged believer in at least two very different kinds of female orgasms now, I was skeptical for a while, or at least believed that I couldn't achieve one myself.
I think if you start to think about sex differently, start to think of it as a pleasurable and erotic thing, maybe you'll come over to the dark side