We've been married 16 years. I did all kinds of sexual things to him multiple times a day for the first year or so. Then he said to back off. I guess I did - because for the rest of the 15 years, I can't even seem to be interested. It's tapered down so low that we can go 3 months without interest. But I don't have regular hormones. Even as a teen, I never dreamt of sex much. I never cared much of having thought of it. I am absolutely turned off by naked people - period!

The idea of naked body parts turns me off. If we have sex and I think of being with my husband, I lose interest. I've tried to think of other guys - you know, fantasize, and it turns me off for weeks.

I'm not lesbian - that turns me off even more.

Are there real reasons why? Do some people just grow and are not interested in sex? We have fought over this so many times. I don't like sexual talk - it makes me very uptight, uncomfortable and angry. There's about one day every 4-6 months where I feel chemically different and at that time, I can be all over my husband - but I really dislike that day. I feel very out of control, very easy, like my brain just goes . But the rest of the time, I just want my husband to be around with me, to be my friend and to laugh and enjoy life. But everytime we are like that, he gets turned on and I'm pressured for sex. So I find myself not even wanting to be around him because it always has to end up in sex.

It's about ruined our marriage. For me, sex is the last thing in my life. It's about as interesting and routine as brushing my teeth or taking a bathroom break. I really don't understand what all the hype is. People make it out to be this game - we stress over it, we struggle to make it fun and interesting. If it is naturally not interesting, like so many other things in life, why is there so much pressure to dress it up? To make it happen?

I clearly know that I like myself the least when naked. I feel out of control, helpless, fragile, and my system more or less shuts down.

To add to all of this - when my husband plays with my nipples, it is very incredibly irritating. Not like the irritating in the sense that he is touching me and I don't want him to - but like the irritating of barbed wire poking you in the same spot all day. We used to have tons of sex and it was a high. But that was so long ago. Additionally, when he is inside, I can't feel him there anymore like i used to. He can almost fist me and I can hardly tell he is there. I know his hands and penis are physically touching me but that is all I can feel. If I experienced some wierd nerve trauma during my last childbirth, how can a doctor tell? What can possibly be done for this?

I've given him blowjobs but I don't feel good doing that - I don't like the cheap feeling. It doesn't make me feel good to please him sexually at all and hasn't for several years - more or less since when he told me the newlywed stage was over and to slow it down. I know I have a very very hard time staying focused on the sex once we get going these days. If he's not right on me taking care of me, I'm off in left field thinking of what tomorrow holds. He may as well not even be there at that point. Note, our sex life 99% of the time is in the house in our bed - no music, no nothing. He pokes me or I am on top, then he sleeps and it's done. *yaawwwwnn

Yet, when he asks for ideas, I really have none. I can't come up with ideas right as we are having sex. It just doesn't work for me. When I come up with ideas elsewhere, outside the home, he is usually not interested. We really have no sex soul.

I've soul searched to figure out why I have such issues with it but I really don't know what it could be. I don't know if it is a medical issue, a friendship/relationship thing, or if I am just unhappy where I am in life and need to get away.

We both work good jobs and are doing well financially but I feel very disconnected from my home and feel very out of place here these days. I know his approach to sex bothers me a lot (bores me to death, actually), and that everytime we try to talk about it, we argue and move farther away.

I'm considering leaving. Life is too short to not even have a friendship simply because of a lack of sex.

Not sure what to do.