I haven't read the entire thread but I just wanted to suggest something:
It sounds like you were/are in a codependant relationship. This is actually a form of an abusive relationship, although it is often one where the abuse stays on a verbal/emotional level. Because of this, I would reccommend doing some reading and perhaps seeing a professional about some of the patterns that were in your past relationship and what you can do to get yourself out of them. I wish you the best - I just got out of a similar relationship (with, yes, an eternal bachelor) a year and a half ago and it was definitely a challenge moving forward. However, you sound like an intelligent and caring woman, and with three children to look after I know you will have the strength and inner wisdom to prevail