I decided not to have an abortion. I just couldn't picture myself actually going through with it. I couldn't even say the word out loud. I was disgusted by it. I told everyone involved what I decided. The next day I started having a miscarriage. When I went to the hospital I found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was really sick for a while and it was really hard. The physical pain was so terrible. I just kinda shut down from everybody for a while. Its been about a month now and I am doing a lot better. I took your advice and am not with either of them now. I found out a lot of things about the boyfriend that shows me that he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't know if I was the one pushing him over the egde or if that was just who he was, but he is out at the bars every night. Doing drugs and drinking until he blacks out. And he blames it all on me! Saying that if I wouldn't have left that things would be the same. I can't be around someone like him. Its hard enough to stay sober without having someone in my life who just wants to get screwed up all the time. My husband and I have become very good friends. Without the staying over and all that stuff. He comes over and sees me on his lunch breaks. We went out last night and played some pool. We do things with our daughter together and I know that she loved seeing us around each other without fighting. Last night when we were driving, he turned the radio down, looked at me and said "You know I miss you, right?". I feel like I just want to go home. Where life is normal and I am with the people I want to be around. I miss waking up to my daughter everyday. I miss going to bed with him every night. It kills me to drop him off at his house and go home to nobody. I know that it hurts him to. How do I fix all of this? I can't find a way to just make it all better. I never pictured our life ending up like this. I made so many mistakes. I am just afriad that all I am going to do is keep making them.