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Women can accept their husband being unfaithful.
Men almost never can.
The mere idea that his wife was raped...
we are not even talking consenusal sex...
just that another man's penis had penetrated
his Saida, destroyed Dev's marriage.
He could not deal with the image of another
man and his wife. Even though it was clear
rape.
If a man like Dev could not overcome his
wife's rape, what about a consensual
sexual act?
Most men have a proprietary interest in
their wives. It is not so much Mary, or
Winsome, or Liz, it is "MY" Wife.
The idea that "MY" Wife could be unfaithful
makes many husband's heads virtually
explode and forgiveness is a rare quality.
Even when the adultery is virtually causes
by the neglectful/workaholic/abusive/distant
husband, (so it is actually an ego boost)
forgiveness is one of those difficult actions
for a man to make.
It is not impossible, of course, but in many
cases, keeping the affair to herself is the
way many women get on with their lives.
Many times the wife's adultery comes because
of some 'drama' in the marriage. Admission only
ratchets the drama to melodrama.
Often the adultery is a reaction to the husband's
actions. Dealing with the husband's actions is
the key feature. If He hadn't....(fill in blank)
then she would not have committed adultery.
Dealing with the adultery without fully exploring
what He did to provoke it, is like putting a
table cloth over an uncleared table.
First you clear the table, you wipe it down,
then you put on the cloth.
Hence, working out the maritial problems
without the admission of adultery often
allows the problems to be dealt with.
I can think of men who went to their graves
who never knew of their wife's affair ten,
twenty years before.
That is because the adultery was a reaction,
and once the marriage was 'fixed' to admit
would have destroyed it.
Yes, it is a true double standard, but has
a very strong foundation.
As in the first post;
"Men need an opportunity, Women need a Reason"
it is the Reason which is the impetus...not
the availability of a man.
The Adultery is not that a sexy guy passed
and smiled. The Adultery happened because
Husband...(fill in blanks).
If the husband is unaware of the Adultery..
(and I am speaking emotional as well as
physical) then it should not be mentioned,
for it doesn't solve the problem, it compounds
the problem.
So the conversation moves from 'you're never
home', which is the issue, into 'how could you
betray me?' which is the reaction to
the issue.
You are familiar with the boss who causes
a situation then blames the employees for
how they handled it.
How they handled the situation he
caused will not solve the problem.
The Boss will, of course, focus on what
the employees did, to obliterate his
failings.
Hence, the Husband may focus on the
wife's adultery to obliterate his failings.
Dealing with the root cause is how one
cures a disease.
Yes, put the bandage on the boo boo
but deal with the infection first.
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