If you want your children back then there are some steps you can take. If you are confortable with this living situation then that is fine as well. Honey if you were feeling the way in which you described, that is not healthy. Did you have post pardom dipression or anything like that after having your children. That can cause some pretty hectic stuff from what I have read. You are not a bad mother for not having your kids live with you. If anything right now you seriously need to focus on yourself. Get that car you want and work at that job you love. Date that you you are obviously interested in but date him cause you like him. Not because you need a place to stay. Just try and be on your own for awhile. I think once you see you can do it on your own and know you can stand on your own two feet, you are going to feel that much stronger.