I am a new mother of a 5 month old girl named Olivia. She was a grumpy and serious baby and right from the start she would panic if I was not holding her all the time. I was told I needed to put her down and let her cry some times, but I loved her so much I just didn't want her to be distressed. With my husband working and living part time 2 states away, there is no one to give me a break, so giving in to Olivia was the only way to get rest. To make matters worse, even though every one told me not to, I would have her sleep on my chest. I just could not help myself. I loved feeling her little body breathing. It sounds so horrible to write this but she has never gone to sleep on her own! She breastfeeds exclusively and would always fall asleep when she ate so I inadvertently started breastfeeding her to sleep and at night (she sleeps with me) I am a human pacifier (which she refuses to take a pacifier by the way. I try all the time and with every kind you can think of and she screams when I bring out a bottle.)
Soooooo...now she is 5 months, getting veeeeeery heavy and I am feeling trapped. I tried to "let her cry it out" checking on her every 15 min to calm and reassure her but she cried for 3 hours!!! I checked the clock! I just can't do that to her.
At the time I did what I felt was loving but lots of people are telling me I am ruining my child then others say that as long as she is ok with other people (which she is good with others, except for my sister, who tends to be very loud and dramatic) that she is just a baby and will grow out of it, to be a happy, loved, secure, person.
I just don't know any more.
Help.