Originally Posted by hurting wife

Hallo Torn2Pieces
I totally understand you and what you are going through. Soon after my husband proposed he went on a worktrip overseas. Before he left I started to get really worried, He asked me what the matter was and I told him that I didn't want him going into any stripclub, because I wouldn't be able to take it. HE PROMISED ME THAT HE DEFINITLY WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!
Well, he's been overseas priviously and called me every single day but this time he only called once every few days and also keept all his conversations very brief. I am a very sensitive person. The first or second night he was away, I woke up with a nightmare soaked in sweat. I pictered him and a nacked woman sitting on him. I couldn't get the picture out of my head. The next time he called me, I asked him what he has been up to he always replayed nothing or not much. Deep in my heart i knew that wasn't the truth.Well I had the same nightmare every night for a week until I couldn't take it anymore and thought it would be easier not to sleep and if then not for long. I also lost my appetite. he was away for three weeks and I lost 20 pounds!My size 4 clothes didn't fit me anymore. I shrank into a size 2. When I waited for him at the airport he came up for a hug and a kiss. I just couln't kiss him and i lightly pushed him away. When we went in the car he grabbed my knee and I pushed his hand away. He asked what the matter was, so I asked him the same question back. I asked what he's been up to und when he said nothing, he could see that I knew. He told me everything. that he that he had lapdances in three different countries by a lot of different women. he even told me that he was holding hands with one of them while she was giving him a lapdance, because he was o attracted to her. When I heard that my heart shattered into pieces, I was so upset I almost called off the engagement. We werte living together at that time, i was so upset I made myself a drink, after I drank it I realized I couldn't drive anywhere so I ended up sleeping on the couch. He keept apologising every day, he could see the pain in my face. HE PROMISED HE WOULD NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. NO STRIPCLUBS< NO TOPLESS CHICKS. I finally did forgive him, but it was soo hard every single time there was a movie on Tv with a stripclub szene or a videoclip I got upset, because I immediatly pictured him with other women. Well that was a few years ago. He recently upset me again and it opened up all the old wounds. I am going through a difficult time at the moment and am a bit depressed. There was this bucks night coming up for him and I was getting worried I knew there would be topless chicks, I told him that I would like him not to go. He ended up going anyway. I still love him but I can't help it I am resenting him at the moment.