Hello. It's not been too long since I wrote this thread here:
http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...-opinions.html
Details are in the thread I linked, it is somewhat skimmable. May be difficult to comment here without doing so I apologise for not being concise on the situation.
This isn't the only site I posted and found some really good unbiased advice, but it has been a while and nothing has changed!
Note: He is still stuck out there, yet to re-apply for a visa since being deported because he lacks funds and the economy isn't great. He hasn't removed me from either FB account nor changed the blank relationship status from December, or deleted me anywhere else [except msn or skype -_-] and seems to be keeping busy from what I can see, but no we've had no contact. I've noticed atypical (moody-ish) lyrics on his statuses/msn, and the odd irritability still visible. He's really not himself, and I think he knows as much. I decided to go no-contact because it would be more genuine if he initiates contact, and everyone agrees. So I simply won't.
If he were planning to, he especially had an excuse to delete me a while ago when a crazy so-called friend of mine (who added him last year) was somewhat mean to him on one of his FB statuses. She has told me she never talks to him, though he informed me back in December that my friends [referring to this girl and our only mutual friend] were "putting their pressure on what we have between us". He should be smart enough to know I wouldn't put her up to anything, so I hope she hasn't betrayed my trust by speaking to him although I already told her not to and she blatantly did there
; it certainly won't help me.
- It was bad enough when I withdrew phone intimacy (eventually deciding if we weren't "proper" why give that bonus)
and my "ex" contacted me, and despite telling my boy I'd not reply, I eventually did.
Then around Valentines day I wrote one of those silly emotional complain-y email "letters" to my boy who in response said to me those 'feedbacks' only push him away... etc. He seemed to sharply pull away after a few additional arguments over IM and then when finding out I'd replied to the ex, who I am over. The rest is in that link, but anyway...
I guess there is no pre-defined time for someone to start talking to you again after such built-up chaos, right? I also think maybe he won't do so until/unless he's back here in the UK. We weren't good at talking online with the pressures of a relationship to maintain and issues that really can't be dealt with even over a telephone line. There were a lot of miscommunications and it's such a complex situation, and he's likely the most stubborn man I've ever known. Seemed to cloud how good we are together, and (as he said) stifled the affection he held towards me.
Was thinking of sending money to him [somehow anon] towards getting home, which I should have perhaps [openly] done while we were still together. A friend talked sense into me. He would no doubt find it irritating and it might spark his odd testosterone thing/aversion-to-help (Gotta love men with mother issues eh?) ; and that he's most likely separating himself from the situation right now. She's very smart with these things, and thinks I'm not being logical. e.g. "He would have spoken to me by now..." -me. "Not necessarily. People are different. Just because you would have by now doesn't mean he'd have." but I don't even know.
I've left a brief admission of understanding my behaviour/etc on a site he knows I "ramble" and post regularly on, but he's yet to check it since my ex's returning there mid Jan. :S
So I'm not sure why I am posting this but I miss him terribly. Can't think how he'd even approach me. If he does speak to me sooner/later, I'm trying to get my head straight so I won't be too angry or too weak to say the right things. My communication skills aren't great in the heat of a moment, too aggressive if I'm scorned and too meek if I'm worried. So think of me as having adhd.
I'm also aware that I come across as clingy/etc, but really, when you have all these plans with someone and are both really into each other, situations like this are understandably stressful. We kinda got dealt a bad hand.
A friend told me this:
"Give him time to get his head out of his . If he loves you as much as he said and showed then he WILL eventually come around. Best advice I can give is - give him time to miss you. Don't try to make him miss you, but just go a while without talking. He will eventually come around."