04-28-2007, 11:50 AM
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Guest
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Mourning
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You are in the 'mourning' period. Just as if your husband
had died. The diff. is, you won't be getting condolences.
Stop thinking that he is crying over you. Stop thinking
he is suffering. This will only lure you back into false
hope.
One of the tricks to stop thinking about him I mentioned
in another post.
Find something to look at; a tree, a plant, anything
neutral. As soon as you start to think of him, look
at the diversion. Tell yourself to stop thinking about him.
He couldn't care less about you while you look at it.
Whatever you need to tell yourself to turn your sadness
to anger, do it.
Then go and clean the bathroom.
When you first start your diversionary, it seems silly
or useless, but over time, it will begin to redirect your
feelings of sadness/mourning/worthlessness into anger.
The basic stages are grief/mourning/anger/tolerance/
indifference. You want to move to anger as fast as
you can.
You want to be able to see incidents in the past in
a new light.
The reason he hasn't brought closure by telling you
to your face is not simply because he's a coward,
it's because he might need you to 'dangle' for awhile,
or you meant so little to him, you're not worth the
thought.
In fact, the only thought he might be having of you
is how to make sure you get as little maintenace as
possible.
Don't be surprised if everything he owned last month
is put in his wife/'real' children's name.
Don't be surprised if one day you find out he and his
family have relocated.
You are still hanging on to the belief that he loves
you. He might have loved having the relationship,
but you and your child were never real to him.
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