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**caterpillar79** · 06-26-2009, 01:57 PM

Once I was very much like you (even be more than that): (very) clingy, tend to be controlling, low self-esteem, dependent and has separation anxiety.

Much of this I see is due to childhood issues I failed to outgrow. I am still dealing with it. I found this forum when I was desperately needy and was overbearing to my BF - we had cooled it off for almost a week. We each spent our ME time pondering what went wrong what each did wrong, and realized it was our failure to be self-reliant, to be independent and to be happy when alone.

I realized this and started being more focused on myself, had more time to chat and PM friends that I found here. and voiced out my opinion in various issues, even aired my secrets in my blog - vented pent-up emotions. It was a relief! I also started going to the gym on my own, which used to be spent together with BF, just hit the bookstore and spend 2 hours browsing, being with other people who I am platonic with, etc. This helped me appreciate more of him when we get back together, and so did he. I found out that the more fruitful you spend you alone time, your time together will also be.

Try to do things more independently - each of you. Go shopping, have a total wardrobe remake, get a haircut, pamper yourself. Go walk in the park and meet people who share the same interests, or just smile at them. Hit the gym, any club that interests you - I joined the Bonsai club. Just have something to do apart from what you and your BF do together so when you are together, you have a lot to share. you are not boring, you are fun to be with. this will also boost your self confidence. I did (though I have my episodes in the dumps, we manage, right?). You can. We're here to support.

06-26-2009, 01:57 PM	#3
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,379 Blog Entries: 52	Once I was very much like you (even be more than that): (very) clingy, tend to be controlling, low self-esteem, dependent and has separation anxiety. Much of this I see is due to childhood issues I failed to outgrow. I am still dealing with it. I found this forum when I was desperately needy and was overbearing to my BF - we had cooled it off for almost a week. We each spent our ME time pondering what went wrong what each did wrong, and realized it was our failure to be self-reliant, to be independent and to be happy when alone. I realized this and started being more focused on myself, had more time to chat and PM friends that I found here. and voiced out my opinion in various issues, even aired my secrets in my blog - vented pent-up emotions. It was a relief! I also started going to the gym on my own, which used to be spent together with BF, just hit the bookstore and spend 2 hours browsing, being with other people who I am platonic with, etc. This helped me appreciate more of him when we get back together, and so did he. I found out that the more fruitful you spend you alone time, your time together will also be. Try to do things more independently - each of you. Go shopping, have a total wardrobe remake, get a haircut, pamper yourself. Go walk in the park and meet people who share the same interests, or just smile at them. Hit the gym, any club that interests you - I joined the Bonsai club. Just have something to do apart from what you and your BF do together so when you are together, you have a lot to share. you are not boring, you are fun to be with. this will also boost your self confidence. I did (though I have my episodes in the dumps, we manage, right?). You can. We're here to support. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.