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**Isabellacat** · 06-28-2009, 10:52 PM

I just need to vent. Nothing's going right and seems like people in general don't really care what I have to say...I've been through alot the past 5 years. I was homeless and was sexually assaulted ,I slept outside in a park,then had to live in a women's shelter ,had a place after that with a friend who was a heavy alcoholic and was verbally abusive towards me....during that time I've been in several relationships,one of them was also very abusive and I was raped. I had to stay in the hospital just to get away from that person. It was very awful and during that time I was very suicidal.

All of a sudden my friend whom I was staying with passed away in front of me a few months later. I am very traumatized by that and feel I don't have many people to talk about it. I loved my friend and it was a nightmare seeing what happened.5 months later after my friend passed, my ex girlfriend also passed from an overdose. I never had a chance to talk to her again and we had also made plans to hangout.

I've had a falling out with my therapist also...She's not very punctual returning my calls which has left me with alot of apathy. At this point I'm luckily in a safe place to live and finally have a good income but because of my experiences my agoraphobia has increased. I have'nt dated in 2 years after my friends passed and lately I have'nt been social. I am also traumatized from several incidents being sexually harrassed in public over the years. I peppersrayed a man a year ago just 2 blocks away from me....I never was in a situation like that and I am very sensitive to how people talk to me now and I avoid certain places.

I'm also going through some really bad low self esteem. I'm not very happy with my looks compared to other women. I feel totally ugly and what defines that is that I feel I don't get much attention and don't feel appreciated. I look at other girls and they're so normal and outgoing compared to me....I hate myself.

I don't know what to do.....I need some advice but don't know where to turn. I feel very frustrated and very alone.

So this morning I had a huge panic attack which i feel is still going on right now. Just have to vent this. I'm normally an easygoer but I've been so depressed. I don't know what to do.

06-28-2009, 10:52 PM	#1
Isabellacat Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Space Invaders Champion! Join Date: May 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 782	suffering from a nervous breakdown I just need to vent. Nothing's going right and seems like people in general don't really care what I have to say...I've been through alot the past 5 years. I was homeless and was sexually assaulted ,I slept outside in a park,then had to live in a women's shelter ,had a place after that with a friend who was a heavy alcoholic and was verbally abusive towards me....during that time I've been in several relationships,one of them was also very abusive and I was raped. I had to stay in the hospital just to get away from that person. It was very awful and during that time I was very suicidal. All of a sudden my friend whom I was staying with passed away in front of me a few months later. I am very traumatized by that and feel I don't have many people to talk about it. I loved my friend and it was a nightmare seeing what happened.5 months later after my friend passed, my ex girlfriend also passed from an overdose. I never had a chance to talk to her again and we had also made plans to hangout. I've had a falling out with my therapist also...She's not very punctual returning my calls which has left me with alot of apathy. At this point I'm luckily in a safe place to live and finally have a good income but because of my experiences my agoraphobia has increased. I have'nt dated in 2 years after my friends passed and lately I have'nt been social. I am also traumatized from several incidents being sexually harrassed in public over the years. I peppersrayed a man a year ago just 2 blocks away from me....I never was in a situation like that and I am very sensitive to how people talk to me now and I avoid certain places. I'm also going through some really bad low self esteem. I'm not very happy with my looks compared to other women. I feel totally ugly and what defines that is that I feel I don't get much attention and don't feel appreciated. I look at other girls and they're so normal and outgoing compared to me....I hate myself. I don't know what to do.....I need some advice but don't know where to turn. I feel very frustrated and very alone. So this morning I had a huge panic attack which i feel is still going on right now. Just have to vent this. I'm normally an easygoer but I've been so depressed. I don't know what to do.