ok sweetie, this is just my experience, my life was in no way as bad as yours, but certainly wasnt much fun. when i was married to an abusive drunk, working for an nasty boss, i survived by somehow making myself as numb as possible. when i finally quit and left and was safe in my own happy little place as are you now, i was overwhelmed by negative feelings, i didnt go out, didnt sleep well, cried everyday, was just a mess. but then got through it. i think when things where bad, you closed part of yourself off - as a survival technique, now things are better you are feeling more secure, all this has floated to the surface, for you to deal with so you can move on, maybe you are a strong person, but you have just had to much to cope with.
have you ever seen those refugee camps on the news, the people in them have lost so much and they just have that shocked empty look, i bet thats how you feel. i hope things continue to improve for you. that one day all this sadness and suffering will have taught you lessons you can draw on.
i hope i am making some sort of sense to you.
take care.
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