Through another website I have known quite a few men for whom this is a fantasy and quite a few who have made it a reality - either once or twice or as a regular part of their sex life with their wives.
It's really rather common, the fantasy anyway.
I am assuming you want to be there and watch - you don't want your wife to go off alone, experience this and come back to you, you want to be a part of it.
To my mind, that's not cheating - because you are doing it together and she clearly has your support and consent. Perhaps what she is more worried about (either consciously or subconsciously) is emotional infidelity. Perhaps she is concerned that through intimate acts she might become emotionally attached to another man. Maybe that's why she's more interested in playing with a woman, she doesn't feel she could become emotionally attached.
I think CW is right - I think you need to listen to your wife's concerns and understand that she's not comfortable with the idea of being intimate with someone else. You are OK with the idea of her taking physical pleasure from another person, but would you be OK if your wife developed a little crush on that person? Or fell in love? I think that is what she is scared of.
I might be wrong of course. Talk to her. And in the meantime continue to play with big toys - indulge in the fantasy. But don't try to talk or coerce her into it - if she's not comfortable with it then you can't do it.
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Now let us sport us while we may; / And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour, / Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all / Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife / Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun / Stand still, yet we will make him run.
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