I went through something like this with my first husband - we didn't have pcs or cell phones then - it was letters, poems and such. I found a letter he's written to an old gf telling her he'd only married me because he couldn't have her and how much he still wanted her and would leave me in a heartbeat if she simply said the word. When I confronted him and was going to leave he threatened suicide, very dramatically. I stayed, nothing changed.
My recent ex and his daughter spent a lot of time talking and emailing about how awful I was. I stuck with him through multiple illnesses and repeated, lengthy periods of unemployment. There were years without sex. I dealt with all that, what finally got me was his complete disreguard for me, there was no affection, no caring and he was occasionally agressive toward my son. I talked to him about it several times over three years and nothing changed, if anything it got worse.
I finally left. Financially it's been tough, but not much different from when I was married to him and I'm much, much happier. We did go into counseling, he expected the counselor to "fix" me. After meeting with the man, the counselor asked me why hadn't I left long before?
By all means do what you feel you should, give it another try if that seems appropriate. But be prepared, in case it continues. He has sneaked and lied, he has bad mouthed you and belittled you. Counseling might help.
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