Yes, it is the waiting that is killing me. Not knowing what will happen next and when is what is making me crazy. I know I can't take the easy way out because just as you said, after you have kids you no longer have that option. Too bad men don't think the same thing; they seem to take the easy way out all the time either by just running or suicide. Why is it okay for them to abandon their children, and women know it isn't okay to do it? I know that isn't always the case, but you see it much more in men that disapear, ya know? Well, Fri. was really bad because I had a wonderful dream about things being all fine and him coming over w/his grandkids and then I must have still been sleeping because at like 4am I thought he was standing at the end of my bed, like he sometimes did getting into bed when he came late, but I went to reach for him and woke myself up and just started crying. In other words Fri. started out horrible with the thoughts of him consuming me. I tried to ignore it and distract myself, but nothing got rid of it. Sat. and Sun. were a bit better but now it is Mon. again and it has been 2 weeks now. I am so worried about what happens next and when. I called to make sure the CS stuff had been started and stuff, but other than that I guess all I can do is wait and pray. I don't know what the future holds, but I just hope that it will be okay and I can make it through. Some days are harder than others, especially when you feel like nobody knows how you feel and that they don't care. Like I said, thanks again and please stick around, I need the support!