You do sound somewhat more upbeat. I am sure you don't feel it, but from the tone of your response you sound a tiny bit stronger. I am sure you don't feel it. It is OK to have all the feelings and thoughts you are having. It is all part of the healing/dealing process. Your ex-husband sounds like he is a source of some help. That is always nice to have. Like you said before, things are so fresh right now...you never know what he is doing with his family, what he is thinking. I am sure there is guilt and hurt for him too. I remember you saying that he worked with your dad and other family members...is he still there? Do you live in a small town? What are the chances of you running into him or even his wife/daughter?
My honeymoon was wonderful. We went to Disneyland and on a cruise around Southern California. It was nice to get away. We have our own set of issues that we deal with all the time. So getting away was pretty important. Thank you for asking.