ladybug37

Hello all. I'm new here. I've been reading a lot of the posts and this seems like a really great site for advice and maybe just a place to vent my feelings and concerns. So here's my story:

I've been with my husband for 14 years (married almost 7). Over the last few years we've had our share of ups and downs (more downs). We are struggling financially with kids in daycare and two homes. There's light at the end of the tunnel, but still another tough 12 months ahead. That being said, I feel like I'm under a tremendous amount of stress and I know that is one of the biggest reasons for my lack of interest in sex, but I can't seem to make my husband understand. I know that this is normal (at least I really believe it) in that I associate my mental happiness with wanting to be with him sexually. We argue quite a bit, we are completely different personalities and this also affects my "non-sexual" feelings for him. Sometimes I imagine that I would happier without him and when he begins to pressure me for sex or make sarcastic comments on how long it's been, I feel even more reluctant to give in. On average, we have sex 1-2 per week, but most of the time I feel like it's an obligation and I do it to avoid any arguments. I do still get aroused and actually it's about 50/50 that I enjoy it when it does happen, but even getting to that point is tough. I know that I may be unrealistic, but I still wish for the "knight in shining armour" to take care of me and treat me like the most cherished woman in the world. Don't get me wrong, I know my husband loves me and says he would do anything for me, but I'm just not feeling it like I want to. I know part of it is my fault because I can be a real b#*h to him, but I can't stop myself. I just feel so resentful sometimes and that's how it comes out. That obviously doesn't help, then he becomes more of a jerk and we start all over again. Yes, we do need better communication--that's partly my fault too. I have a tendency to close up and not want to talk about sensitive issues and I end up crying a lot because I feel so overwhelmed which makes me less interested in talking about things. I just don't know what to do and I feel better at least getting this off my chest and seeing if any of you have advice (other than that I need professional counseling, which I know is true! lol). Thanks for listening.